The Complete Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition

1. Once you have their money, never give it back
2. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to
4. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough
5. If you can't break a contract, bend it
6. Never let family stand in the way of opportunity
7. Always keep your ears open
8. Keep count of your change
9. Instinct plus opportunity equals profit
10. A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one
11. Latinum isn't the only thing that shines
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money
14. Anything stolen is pure profit
15. Acting stupid is often smart
16. A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along
17. A bargain usually isn't
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all
19. Don't lie too soon after a promotion
20. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat
21. Never place friendship before profit
22. Wise men can hear profit in the wind
23. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest
24. Never ask when you can take
25. Fear makes a good business partner
26. The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it
27. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down
28. Morality is always defined by those in power
29. When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying
30. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother
32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss
34. War is good for business
35. Peace is good for business
36. Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore
37. You can always buy back a lost reputation
38. Free advertising is cheap
39. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers
40. If you see a profit on a journey, take it
41. Money talks, but having a lot of it gets more attention
42. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit
43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon
44. Never argue with a loaded phaser
45. Profit has limits. Loss has none
46. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person
47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife
49. Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent
50. Never bluff a Klingon
51. Never admit a mistake if there's someone else to blame
52. Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas
53. Sell first; ask questions later

1. Never buy anything you can't sell
2. Always sell at the highest possible profit
3. Pursue profit; women come later
4. Good customers are almost as rare as Latinum - treasure them
5. Friendship is seldom cheap
6. Fee advice is never cheap
7. Never use Latinum where your words will do
8. Never buy what can be stolen
9. The riskier the road, the greater the profit
10. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine
11. Don't talk shop; talk shopping
12. Don't talk ship; talk shipping
13. Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved if they ask for it
14. Enough is never enough
15. Compassion is no substitute for a profit
16. You could afford your ship without your government - if it weren't for your government
17. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
18. Gamble and trade have two things in common: risk and Latinum
19. Never let the competition know, what you're thinking
20. Never trust advice from a dying Ferengi; listen but don't trust
21. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all
22. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum
23. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies
24. Go where no Ferengi has gone before; where there is no reputation there is profit
25. Don't discriminate. The most unlikely species can create the best customers
26. Benefit from the Vulcan greed for knowledge
27. If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn't work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique
28. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman
29. A smart customer is not a good customer
30. Revenge is profitless
31. She can touch your ears but never your Latinum
32. Death takes no bribes
33. A wife is a luxury, a smart accountant a necessity
34. Trust is the biggest liability of all
35. When the boss comes to dinner, it never hurts to have the wife wear something
36. Latinum lasts longer than lust
37. Mine is better than ours
38. He who drinks fast pays slow
39. Never confuse wisdom with luck
40. He's a fool who makes his doctor his heir
41. Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship
42. Important, more impotant, Latinum
43. Faith moves mountains - of inventory
44. If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don't tell it to a friend
45. Profit is the better part of valor
46. Never trust a wise man
47. Everything that has no owner, needs one
48. Never do something you can make someone do for you
49. Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever
50. Sleep can interfere with the opportunity
51. Money is never made. It is merely won or lost
52. Wise men don't lie, they just bend the truth
53. There is no honor in poverty
54. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian Beetle Snuff
55. A woman wearing clothes is like a man without profit
56. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack
57. Only a fool passes up a business opportunity
58. Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them
59. Never sleep with the boss's wife unless you pay him first
60. Never sleep with the boss's sister
61. Small print lead to large risk
62. Greed is eternal
63. There's always a way out
64. If the profit seems too good to be true, it usually is
65. Never cheat an honest man offering a decent price
66. Buy, sell, or get out of the way
67. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum
68. Everything is for sale, even friendship
69. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer
70. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer
71. Friendship is temporary, profit is forever

1. A lie isn't a lie until someone else knows the truth
2. A lie isn't a lie, it's just the truth seen from a different point of view
3. Gratitude can bring on generosity
4. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races
5. Never trust your customers
6. Never trust a beneficiary
7. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother
8. The flimsier the produce, the higher the price
9. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet ... sometimes good things come in small packages
10. There's always a catch
11. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it
12. The sharp knife cuts quickly. Act without delay!
13. Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father
14. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder
15. Wives serve; brothers inherit
16. The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more
17. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fair play and financial loss go hand-in-hand
18. Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves
19. The family of Fools is ancient
20. There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket
21. Always ask for the costs first
22. If possible sell neither the sizzle nor the steak, but the Elphasian wheat germ
23. New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back
24. Opportunity waits for no one
25. Females and finances don't mix
26. Make your shop easy to find
27. Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much
28. Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits
29. You can't free a fish from the water
30. The difference between manure and Latinum is commerce
31. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too
32. Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit
33. You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look
34. Don't pay until you have the goods
35. The customer is always right ... until you have their cash
36. Respect is good, Latinum is better
37. Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life
38. His money is only your's when he can't get it back
39. A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn't
40. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else
41. Never allow one's culture's law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit
42. Never give away for free what can be sold
43. If a deal is fairly and lawfully made, then seeking revenge, especially unprofitable revenge, is illegal
44. Beware of relatives bearing gifts
45. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable
46. Never gamble with an empath
47. Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi get the Latinum
48. If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it
49. A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer's pocket
50. Share and perish
51. When everything fails - run
52. Ferengi's don't give promotional gifts!
53. Know your enemies ... but do business with them always
54. The world is a stage - don't forget to demand admission
55. Whenever you think that things can't get worse, the FCA will be knocking on your door
56. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do
57. Even dishonesty can't tarnish the glow of Latinum
58. Whenever you're being asked if you are god, the right answer is YES
59. Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine
60. There are three things you must not talk to aliens about sex, religion, and taxes
61. If you want to ruin yourself there are three known ways: Gambling is the fastest, women are the sweetest, and banks are the most reliable way
62. There are two things that will catch up with you for sure: death and taxes
63. If your dancing partner wants to lead at all costs, let her have her own way and ask another one to dance
64. Never bet on a race you haven't fixed
65. Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing
66. Drive your business or it will drive you
67. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money
68. If the flushing isn't strong enough, use your brain and try the brush
69. Klingon women don't dance tango
70. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door
71. Wounds heal, but debt is forever
72. Only give money to people you know you can steal from
73. Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives
74. Employees are the rungs on your ladder to success - don't hesitate to step on them
75. The secret of one person is another person's opportunity
76. A madman with Latinum means profit without return
77. The justification for profit is profit
78. a) A friend in need is a customer in the making

1. A Ferengi in need will never do anything for free
2. When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business opportunity, it's time to leave town until he's gone
3. When the customer dies, the money stops a-comin'
4. Fighting with Klingons is like gambling with Cardassians - it's good to have a friend around when you lose
5. Never trust a hardworking employee
6. Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer
7. Tell them what they want to hear
8. A wife, who is able to clean, saves the cleaning lady
9. In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator
10. If they accept your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much
11. Stay neutral in conflicts so that you can sell supplies to both sides
12. Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach
13. Instinct without opportunity is useless
14. Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself
15. Only pay for it if you are confronted with a loaded phaser
16. Always know what you're buying
17. A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount
18. Profit is like a bed of roses - a few thorns are inevitable
19. Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes
20. Knowledge is Latinum

1. Rich men don't come to buy; they come to take
2. Never throw anything away: It may be worth a lot of Latinum some Stardate
3. Pride comes before a loss
4. Don't take your family for granted, only their Latinum
5. Loyalty can be bought ... and sold
6. All things come to those who wait, even Latinum
7. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox
8. Manipulation may be Ferengi's greatest tool and liability
9. If you steal it, make sure it has a warranty
10. Life's not fair (How else would you turn a profit?)
11. Every dark cloud has a Latinum lining
12. Never deal with beggars; it's bad for profits
13. Don't trust anyone who trusts you
14. You can't buy fate
15. There's a sucker born every minute. Be sure you're the first to find each one
16. The truth will cost
17. Ambition knows no family
18. The higher you bid, the more customers you drive away
19. Never underestimate the importance of the first impression
20. More is good, all is better
21. If you got something nice to say, then SHOUT
22. If you can't sell it, sit on it, but never give it away
23. A warranty is valid only if they can find you
24. He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them
25. Never question luck
26. Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised
27. Respect other culture's beliefs; they'll be more likely to give you money
28. A dead vendor doesn't demand money
29. Satisfaction is not guaranteed
30. Let the buyer beware
31. A contract without fine print is a fool's document
32. Anyone who can't tell a fake doesn't deserve the real thing
33. A warranty without loop-holes is a liability
34. Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse
35. Only fools negotiate with their own money
36. A Ferengi is only as important as the amount of Latinum he carries in his pockets
37. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know
38. Gambling is like the way to power: The only way to win is to cheat, but don't get caught in the process
39. A wealthy man can afford everything except a conscience
40. No lobes, no profit
41. Never let a female in clothes cloud your sense of profit
42. It's not the size of your planet, but it's income, that matters
43. The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend - choose wisely
44. A pair of good ears will ring dry a hundred tongues
45. Wish not so much to live Long, as to live well
46. a) When in doubt, lie

b) When in doubt, buy

c) When in doubt, demand more money

d) When in doubt, shoot them, take their money, run and blame someone else

1. Never purchase anything that has been promised to be valuable or go up in value
2. It's better to have gambled and lost than to never have gambled at all
3. There are many witty men whose brains can't line their pockets
4. The way to a Ferengi's heart is through his wallet
5. Always count their Latinum before selling anything
6. There is no profit in love; however, a strong heart is worth a few bars of Latinum on the open market. Keep it on ice
7. Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it
8. If at first, you don't succeed, try to acquire again
9. Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but you can only buy the girl with Latinum
10. It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit
11. Never close a deal too soon after a female strokes your lobes
12. An empty bag can not stand upright
13. Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell
14. Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner
15. Rules are always subject to change
16. Rules are always subject to interpretation
17. No good deed ever goes unpunished
18. When Morn leaves it is all over

The Complete Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition