Envy and jealousy are built into the human psyche. They are both part of The Human Condition. We are always comparing our position or possessions with those of other people. It is more important to us what others possess than to the value of what we possess. Are we comparing our happiness to the things that other people possess? Or are we comparing our happiness with a true value with the things that we possess. Are we worried about losing something? Or are we worried about gaining things that others possess?

What is more important? Is important that we possess a refrigerator? Or is it more important that your refrigerator is nicer than your neighbors? Do you see your neighbor with a brand new freezer and think “How can I earn enough money so that I can buy a similar freezer? This is why we enjoy watching TV shows about the lifestyles of wealthy people. And this is why we peek out of the window when new neighbors are moving in. We enjoy to seeing what possessions they have so that we can compare them with ours. This will tell us where we stand in the neighborhood. 

Are you worried about the new person in the office taking your job? Are you concerned because they are smarter, more efficient, or better looking than you? Do you find yourself gossiping with others about their imperfections? Do you do a Google search on them to find out any problems that they may have had in the past? This is called jealousy. 

An envious person seeing a more efficient, smarter, hard working person in the office admires these good qualities, and they would figure out ways to improve their own efficiency and gain more skills so that they could be on par with these higher standards. 

We always seem to want what other people have. This is illustrated in the Tom Sawyer effect. When Tom Sawyer was painting the fence, Tom told them that he wasn't skilled enough to paint the fence, that it took a highly trained and skilled person to perform this skilled task. It was a privilege to paint the fence. After realizing that this job was unobtainable for them, his friends begged him for the privilege of painting the fence. His friends became envious of him and tried to qualify to join the team. A jealous person would have hidden Tom’s brushes and stole the can of paint. 

You will also see this with a dog surrounded by sticks. The dog will ignore the sticks completely, until you pick one up and run with it. Suddenly the dog will want the stick. This is like a three year old child surrounded by toys who is complaining about being bored. You sit down next to him and start playing with one of the toys. The child will then want the toy you are playing with. This is because as humans we always want what other people have. We can become envious and try to talk our parents into buying a similar toy or we can become jealous because our parents bought our toy and gave it to our sibling. We hide this toy or break it so that our sibling no longer has a toy either.

There is social clout that comes into play in The Human Condition. We may feel that another person has more value than us from a talent, gift or material possession that they possess we do not. These talents or gifts may include. 

1. Game playing skills. 
2. Dancing skills.
3. Baby making skills. 
4. Having more money. 
5. Better looking than significant other.
6. Computer hacking skills. 
7. Ninja Skills.
8. Going on a Vacation that you cannot afford skills. 
9. A larger or nicer house than ours.
10. Their goldfish collection. 

To envy someone means to bear a grudge toward someone due to coveting what that person has or enjoys. Jealousy means apprehensive attitude or vengeful action out of fear of being replaced by someone else. Envy can be self destructive because you may take on three jobs, ignore your personal health and others that you care about to get that house your neighbor has. Envy can be constructive because you may become envious of a person who has a photographic memory and reads 4000 words a minute, and set this as a goal for yourself. Jealousy tends to hurt those that are threatening your position. 

Jealousy can cause you to become vindictive or to harm others to stop them from taking something that you already possess. If you are jealous because your significant other is paying attention to someone else you could do things to harm your own relationships with your significant other or the person that your significant other is paying attention to. A person who is envious would try to find out the qualities and reasons why their significant other is giving attention to someone else. They can improve themselves so that they can be on par with the other person. 

How can we counterbalance these emotions with other positive emotions? A few emotions that can counteract the others are admiration, support, kindness, generosity, and empathy. By using these you will be lifting others up and improving their situation, which improves your social standing with the group. This way of handling things would involve envy. It is hard to use these positive emotions with jealousy. 

When we find ourselves experiencing Envy or Jealousy over something, the best thing that we can do is put ourselves in a state of mindfulness. Is the thing that we are longing for that important for our life or is it important to our status in the community? Are we in danger of losing status and power, or do we just feel inadequate? These feelings and emotions can be dealt with if you can detach from them and look at them from an outside view. Getting our friends and family to give us feedback will help us improve our powers of observation. 

When we use our powers of observation, we will see the world and ourselves as we are.  You may find it makes no difference whether you have a 60” or an 80” smart TV, you are just grateful that you have a TV. 

Get out your stickies and write out what you are Jealous of and what you are Envious of. Then write the causes of the Envy and the Jealousy that you feel with each situation. With each of these situations find emotions that are positive that you could bring into the situations to make life better for yourself. You are great and wonderful! Keep up the good work.