Everybody likes the class clown, or so we have heard. When we want to get more attention we goof off, make jokes, or play tricks on other people. This may get us attention which the human animal is always striving to get. Even non-human animals do things to get noticed or attention. They may also go the other way and try to become a wallflower (trying to appear as one of the flowers as the wallpaper behind you so that you will not be noticed by the crowd). We do this by trying to blend in wearing clothes that don’t stand out, by standing in the background, or not saying anything controversial. Both of these attitudes are protection mechanisms that arise out of our fears.
We can limit our fears by listening to other people. When you are interested in what other people are doing you will lessen the chance that they will attack or ridicule you. Most celebrities when the fans ask them for an autograph or express admiration will give the autograph or revel in the admiration. There are a few who become angry when pressed by the crowd, and this is because they feel overwhelmed. When we are listening to others we do not want to push them beyond a limit or barrier that they have set up internally for self-protection. When showing interest in others it is best to ask general questions, let the other people reveal what they wish, and be content with what they wish to hide. If you want someone to reveal more about themselves, it may work best if you ask a question, and become unavailable by not pushing the point beyond what the narrator is content with. If you ignore them for a few minutes, they will feel compelled to look for a piece of information that you were looking for.
When listening to others it is best not to jump in and let them know that we have greater accomplishments in the same field as they do. You can briefly mention a small achievement that they have made in their field of interest, but you always want to highlight their knowledge skills and abilities. This makes them feel safe and willing to reveal more of themselves to you.
Listening is an acquired skill that takes years of practice. When other people think we are following a script, they tend to mistrust us. It's like talking to a two-year-old child and saying a series of statements in baby talk. The two-year-old may put up with this, but if you try it with a five-year-old they will look at you like a fool. In order to be a good listener you need to evaluate your subject and understand their level of expressing themselves, and their level of receiving feedback from you. If people are overly sensitive about feedback, you may want to limit the amount of feedback that you give to them.
It is not necessary to correct false reasoning or false knowledge when listening to others. It is ok to ask questions so that they can help define their statements. If they say that they hate communism, you can ask them “what do you mean by communism?” When they tell you that it means having a government control you and take things from you then you can merely say “oh I understand what you mean.” without saying what you mentioned is a dictatorship not a communist government. When listening to others if we allow them to define their terms we will help them understand their point of view better.
It is best to make sure that those that we are listening to feel that we are spontaneous in our interest. If you have a hard time being spontaneous, then fake it till you make it. Just as when a three-year-old puts together a thirty-piece puzzle you can show your astonishment without being phoney. Even when adults speak of their ability to run a 5k and you are an accomplished triathlete, you can still be amazed at how far they have come, and the obstacles that they have overcome to achieve that 5k.
You can ask them questions about what their goals are or future dreams are. You can ask them questions on how they want to accomplish these. What you are expecting from these people is to start their statements with I feel, I think, I could, I would do it if I could… then you can ask them what would it take them to advance or to increase their dreams or success. You will want to refrain from telling them what they should do as this will limit your ability to listen.
Because we live in a society where our lives depend on other people, our ability to listen to other people and their ideas and thoughts is a skill that is very important for us to acquire.
In order to better ourselves at listening, this will require us to be skilled at mindfulness. You can practice Listening Mindfulness by being in a crowd standing next to a group of people and listening to what they are saying without speaking yourself. If we can listen to what they are saying without any Judgement and not feel irritated, this will greatly enhance our powers of Observation. Sometimes to listen better you may need to close your eyes, or reduce other sensory input in order to focus all of your attention on your listening skills. Often people who have gone blind or lost their site will hear sounds that they have never noticed before.
You will need to separate your listening and understanding of what other people are saying by a time period… this could take five minutes, five days, or five years before you evaluate what it is that they said to you. After that, you may need to wait five minutes, five hours, or five days before you make a Judgement on what you have heard.
I have seen people lacking in mindfulness put their hands over their ears and run out of the room when they hear something that disagrees with their current worldview. This is because the information is so different that it overloads their brain as they are not able to practice mindfulness and Listening Without Judgement until they have researched the information, and allowed themselves more time to process this, or just ignore it all altogether. Compared to when someone pokes you with a stick. Do you really need to respond to it? Are they really trying to hurt you? Is it just to get your attention? Are they lonely? In other words, do you really need to respond when someone pokes you with a stick or a word?
This reminds me of a friend of mine who was speaking to a large crowd of people, and he told them that if they wanted to be a part of his group they had to eat his flesh and drink his blood. As this offended the crowd as they didn’t believe in cannibalism, and it was prohibited in their commandments to drink blood. He noticed that the majority of the crowd dispersed quickly. The ones that stayed were operating with Mindfulness. They also had the same belief as the rest of the crowd, but because of their admiration for this person, they stayed and listened to more of what this person meant by the statement.
When listening to others, we don’t want to become easily offended by political viewpoints, economic viewpoints, or religious viewpoints as these will all weaken our ability to be good listeners, and to be aware of what really is in the world.
Keep practicing your Listening Mindfulness, and you will notice your anxiety over world and neighborhood events will diminish. You may have a hard time doing this as you were counting on your anxiety to keep you awake. You will find other reasons to stay awake other than fear and anxiety. You will notice that many animals sleep for twenty hours a day, and the only time that they wake up is when they need to chase a squirrel or run from a lion. This helps them conserve their energy because their food may be limited. As humans we need to work on moving away from The Lizard Brain then into The Human Brain, then finally achieve entrance into The God Brain. As we enter into The God Brain our motivation is Creation.
What do you want create today? Go do.