Finding Your Tribe Level 5
We are all quite familiar with the “F” word. Fear. Fear can paralyze us. We are afraid of dancing. We are afraid of people watching us dance. We are afraid of people laughing at us as we dance. We create tribes to protect us from the things that we are afraid of. Are we drawn to a tribe for protection or are we drawn to a tribe for empowerment? Enthusiasm is the opposite of fear. The word enthusiasm comes from the Greek word which means “the breath of God”. When we draw in our breath and accept our power as being God, we are now enthused.
Fear can take over inside a tribe. In many tribes, you will advance or be promoted to what is considered a higher position as you become more proficient. Fear can interfere with the efficiency or the effectiveness of a tribe. Even the need for one person to become superior to others can weaken the power of the tribe. The Peter Principle states that in a corporation people will rise to a level where they become incompetent and this is where they will stay. The reason that this happens is that those who are promoting them are afraid of admitting that they made a poor judgment, and so they will not change a promotion given to correct their poor judgment.
An example of this is in an automotive shop where you have a mechanic who is incredibly skilled, can fix any engine, and is a very hard worker. They are given raises until they make the maximum allowed by the corporation. Management wants to promote this person, but they cannot give them any more money unless they move them to management. They promote the person and they become shop foreman. Unfortunately, he has poor people skills. This is why he became a mechanic because then he didn’t have to deal with people because when he worked with machines. Machines were always there, always consistent, and if they were broke, he always knew what to do. Now the whole shop is suffering because they have a manager who is not aware of taking care of people, their schedules, and paycheck problems, and the whole shop suffers. The upper management does not want to demote him because this would signal to the rest of the company that they are incompetent themselves and they are unable to assess the value of their employees. So they leave him in his position and do damage control to fix the problems that he is creating.
What is causing the problem is fear. Fear of retribution. Fear of being exposed. This fear is what has created the need for a hierarchy. If management did not need this separation of levels of power, then the good mechanic could have been given raises and compensation that matched his skill level. When did we ever think that a manager than a ditch digger? You can manage 16 hours a day and you could never get a ditch dug unless someone picks up a shovel.
To be a good leader, we need to be aware of the fears that other people are having and other people are facing. To be aware of this requires that other people have empathy. Empathy and compassion allow us to understand and face the fears that we have and that other members of our tribe are going through. When we have empathy and compassion for others, then we can also have empathy and compassion for ourselves. This will help us to overcome and conquer our fear. If we make a mistake or an incorrect judgement we are no longer fearful of correcting this and making the changes. If a company had promoted a person to a level where they were incompetent, they would not be afraid of correcting the situation with more education or reinstating the person to a level that they are more capable in. The fear is what is destroying the corporation and its ability to be efficient.
Fear of what other people think is what is also stopping us from creating our passion. If we are always worried about what other people are thinking, if they are going to accept what we are doing, then we are not artists. Fear of being afraid of others is different from not wanting to do things that harm or upset other people’s tribes. You can be compassionate and considerate of others without using fear.
If you want to stand out in the crowd, you will need to be different. If you are afraid to be different or have a different appearance in others, you will be just like an animal in a large herd. Animals create herds in order to protect themselves from predators. When you do something different from the rest of the crowd you will stand out and be noticed. You will have to conquer your fear to be able to do this.
Fear of failure is overrated. Addiction to failure can paralyze us. Failure is just like being like the rest of the cows in the herd. If you are working in a corporation and you fail, then the corporation could absorb your failure. If you are working for a corporation and succeed, the corporation will also absorb your success.
What we are really afraid of is not failure. What we are afraid of is criticism. Fear of criticism stops of from trying to do new things. We want to stick with the tried and proven way of doing things (if it ain’t broke don’t fix it). What we are afraid of hearing is “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of doing.” “What a waste of money.” “Who is responsible for doing this.” “I am surprised that you did this without more research.” Even if these things aren’t said to us, they are said to others that we are around, and we are afraid of getting the same beating that our fellow slaves are getting. Parents, politicians, and religious leaders all use fear to control their group. What fears do you have that are controlling you in life?
When you find the correct tribe and fear is not involved then you are able to accept criticism fear and criticism without being afraid. This is how babies learn how to walk. They make mistakes and get support from their families when they get up and try again. Can you imagine what would happen to a young child when they were beaten and humiliated every time they fell as they tried to walk? Our tribe will be much more powerful when we accept the imperfections of others, and help them by giving support and encouragement so that they can become more powerful.
Constructive criticism can be a great tool. Negative criticism either does nothing or makes the situation worse. When we receive criticism this should not upset us. This just means that you were noticed that you are standing out from the herd. Many times people are upset just because you are outstanding from the herd. If you are doing nothing, you will receive no criticism at all. Other people who may be in a position of power may be in a position to keep you down.
What things are you really afraid of? Are we afraid of losing our job? Are we afraid of being hit by a baseball bat? Are we afraid of feeling bad? Only by examining our fears can we overcome them. Our tribe will help us to embrace and deal with our fears. Our tribe will help us to become better and less fearful. This is why it is so important to find the correct tribe to be in.